I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
