dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
