drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
