I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
