I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I just gargled with NyQuil
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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