I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
