The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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