pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
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