I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
