I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Randomize
