I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
