saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I got her a Nickelback box set.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I just googled if crying burns calories
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
