Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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