no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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