Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
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