Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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