i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
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