Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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