I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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