I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
