The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
