Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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