Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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