I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
