Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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