don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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