there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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