I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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