i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
