Dual....:-)
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
