Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
