i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
