sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
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