oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
