omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
