using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
