Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
