I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
