I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
