I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
