her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
