you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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