Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I just found puke in my bra..
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
