im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
