and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
