You can't motorboat a personality
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Randomize
