I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
