Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
