You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
