These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Randomize
