I should be sponsored by Trojan
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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