she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
