I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
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She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
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so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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