Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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