Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
