i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
