At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
