he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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