I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize