I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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