Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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