note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Randomize
