eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
