I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
