I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
