Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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