I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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