You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
