You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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