sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
