I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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