Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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