About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
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Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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