my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Randomize
