I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
