what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
