Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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