I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
